oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
