Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
