how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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