i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
