I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
