i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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