I want to make a zoo with you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
