I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
