so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
