My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
