whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
