so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
