tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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