gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
