I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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