I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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