so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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