my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
