Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
