Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
