glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
