I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
