You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i believe in u and ur pee
false alarm, still single
Randomize
