I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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