i think my tv is drunk
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
