Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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