You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
