My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
