I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
