Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
