Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
