When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
