I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dear god my vagina.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
