dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
