i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
