If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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