The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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