Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
