i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
