my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Life is so much better after having sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
