She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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