...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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