dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
