He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
