too bad you live with your parents still
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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