I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
