Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
