Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
