meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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