You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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