dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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