If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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