Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
