Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
