I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
be right there i have to get my cape
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
