***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
