This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
