i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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