My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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