is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
