Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
