Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
