i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
