be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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