I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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