FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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