he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
