Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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