Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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