Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
