We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
