So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
