Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
