I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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