playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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