yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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