Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
NoShamevember. You game?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
