I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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