I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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