If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
