oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
